This is for those of you in it. This is for those of you who have been there. This is for all the parents; that moment when you say to yourself "no one ever told me it would be like this."
We read the books, skim articles, and attend classes to prepare. Our parents, family, and friends with babies tell us how it is. But let's be honest. All of the nitty, gritty, and personal shit we deal with as parents is figured out in the heat of the moment. We acquire skills we didn't know we had. We live. We grow. We become fully capable of almost any job because we are loaded with experiences and our resume is STACKED with expertise!
Here is a list of the skills, strengths, and credentials that you acquire in this career as a parent!
1. Congratulations, you are entertainer of the year! You could be the new ringmaster of the Cirque Du Soleil, Beyonce's new choreographer, or Taylor Swifts song writer. I mean, you are basically doing acrobatics and juggling life throughout the day. You are bouncing around to new dance routines to get baby to sleep. And new melodies pop in your head on the spot to get your kids to smile. You should be nominated for a grammy for the lyrics you just whipped together about bath and pajama time. Too bad your number one fan is that little bundle in your arms and can't call the big wigs to recommend you for the job. You SHOULD receive the award.
2. You are now the Chief Executive Officer of Household. You are ultimately responsible for day-to-day management decisions and implementing long and short term plans. You build the culture in your company and provide the resources for success. You own a vision, set the goals, and you lead your team. Congrats on your hard work, CEO!
3. Ninja Warrior. How many times of have had to quietly sneak out of your sleeping childs room configuring your body in uncomfortable positions so you don't wake them up?! That's what I thought! You are stealth on your feet, you would fight for your child if in danger, and you learn how to guide/discipline/teach your child with words rather than violent alternatives. Do you master self control in moments when you didn't think you could before children entered your world?! You are a ninja!
4. Welcome to the life of a detective. You interrogate your suspects and interview your witnesses based on the evidence before you. When was the last time you pooped? Who ate the last slice of pizza? How did the lamp break? Where on earth are the toddlers shoes? What time did you actually go to bed? How did my cell phone end up in the toilet? You are solving mysteries and investigating situations all. day. long.
5. Mixologist at your finest. If you are a nursing mother, you are serving your child the most fresh and delicious cocktail straight out of the tap! Your body is making one hell of a drink. Non nursing mothers and fathers and other care takers know the perfect proportions of formula to the temperature of the liquid for the perfect beverage. They know how long to shake it and how to serve it perfectly for the liking of the consumer. All parents know how to mix and muddle and stir and serve all while presenting it with love... and then they top it off with a night cap for themselves to enjoy.
(Since resume's should not be longer than two pages max, i better stop here. However, I believe a parents resume could fit into the Guinness Book of World Records.)
Just know this parents: Your hard work is seen, it is felt, it is recognized. It may not seem like to now, but all of your time and energy spent at this job will pay off. Keep up the good work. Each day you add another profession to the list. What will it be tomorrow?! I just wish I could add professional sleeper to the record...
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