Happy All-the-days!

As Jack Frost slowly climbs up my window and the frigid wind tosses snow across rooftops, I am happy to see the sun shining upon us as the holidays approach.  With my daily schedule as unpredictable as our nightly weather, I catch myself dreaming about the warm winter memories from years past that I try to keep present as an adult.

I play choral, jazz, and acoustic Christmas music quietly through my home.  I find comfort in the harmonies, nostalgia in the melodies, and spiritual connections in the lyrics.  I find that the cold chill of winter days somehow awakes my being as the earth falls deeper into sleep.  And all in the same moment, I am tired from the lack of light, and tired of the societal overload of consumer "holiday glitter."

I do however find peace in the balance of the holiday season.  The gifts of spending time, not money.  The warmth of a Christmas tree, not blow-up snowmen and plastic figurines.  The gatherings with friends while baking traditional treats and sharing meals over discussions of movies, music, and current events.  To be light heart-ed in a time when heaviness and lowliness can creep in.

I find it important, especially during the holidays, to accept the differences of individuals and worship styles or non worship styles. To simply enjoy the company you are blessed with. It is a time to be thankful for the simple yet necessary entities in our lives.  A time to dig back to your roots to see how far the branches have spread.  A time to let go and yet in the same moment, a time to hold on.  A time to be tender when you feel jagged and worn.  A time to embrace whatever and however you spend your celebratory days.

I look forward to the holidays because they remind me to be thankful for what I have been given in life... not what I do not have and what I long for.  They remind me to focus on the presents I have been given that don't come in packages.  It gives me hope in this spinning world we live in.  I hope that others are able to do the same.

However you celebrate this time of year, or however you don't, I wish you all the best in all your days ahead. I leave you with holiday lyrics/thoughts that I feel can make our earth a more sacred and bountiful place to raise our children all year round.
~ Let your heart be light
~ Tidings of comfort and joy
~ All is calm, all is bright
~ Let there be peace on earth
~Bless all the dear children in thy tender care
~Hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near
~A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
~Where the love light gleams
~Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile
~ May your days be merry and bright

Lutsen Mountain
Photo by: Charity Huot Benedict 

Pregnancy and its Gruesome Beauty

As I sit here, surrounded by beeping machines, hundreds of medical staff and other terrified parents, I am preoccupied by the thoughts that swarm my brain.  They sting and linger and swell as though I am having an allergic reaction to my own parental fears.  But as I gaze into the isolette where my baby peacefully rests and grows, I am soothed.  She is here, ready to discover our world...

Almost every woman I have ever known during pregnancy has always made it look amazingly normal and easy.  Props to all of you incredible ladies, how did you do it?! For me, neither easy or normal was the case.  It wasn't lollipops and butterflies at all.  It was encompassed by exhaustion, morning sickness, bleeding, bed rest, placenta previa, and several hospital admissions.  It was everything I had hoped my pregnancy would not be, up to the very end and after, even as I sit here in the hospital and look at my baby through a plastic box.  I just want to hold her!

Let's just say my natural birth plan with a midwife was thrown out the window when I found out my pregnancy was "complicated."  I was quickly thrown into the medical world as fast as my dreams of a  water birth were tossed into the garbage.  For the safety of my baby, my lifestyle quickly changed.  I needed to let go, be flexible, be selfless and sacrifice my job, activities, and what felt like my sanity.  I knew all of these things would happen as a parent.  I just thought they would kick in upon delivery, not at 20 weeks pregnant.

When I found out I was with child,  I was excited to share all of my passions with my baby.  I kept on biking, hula hooping, camping, traveling, and going to concerts. I also joined a prenatal yoga studio called Blooma in Minneapolis which was the best thing I ever did for myself. All of these joys came to a sudden stop after I encountered some bleeding episodes with placenta previa and strict bed rest set in.  At least I could integrate all of the yoga skills I learned into my motionless self.  Not the poses, but the breathing, relaxation, focus, and determination; and being a warrior goddess mama!

For being such an active person, bed rest was an incredible challenge. (Little did I know that more challenges were just ahead.) To not even cook my own meal or take my dog for a walk was difficult for me.  But I knew this was temporary and the goal was to keep this precious baby in the womb as long as possible. I did my darnedest to keep her there.  She had other plans.

On October, 7th at 29 weeks pregnant, I had my third ultrasound to check on babies growth and placenta previa status.  I had already been admitted to the hospital twice for bleeding and onset of early labor so I was being closely watched.  Baby looked good.  However, placenta previa was still present and baby was breech.  So I headed home to continue lounging around.  It was a beautiful sunny day and I laid outside to read my book.  At 3pm my water broke. I froze. There is no way that it could be happening,  I had 11 weeks to go!

It did happen. I called my wonderful husband right away, a friend to come get our dog, and within 1/2 hour we were on our way to the hospital... for the third time. But this time I knew I wasn't going home until baby was here. Did I have any bags packed? No.  Did we attend birthing classes? No, they were a couple weeks out.  Was the nursery finished?  Not even started.  But it didn't matter.  There were much bigger matters... Life.

We tried to postpone labor as long as possible. The doctor said there was even a chance we could hold off for up to 4-6 weeks while being monitored 24/7 in the hospital.  But my body didn't agree and labor slowly progressed through the night.  By early morning, we scheduled a Cesarean section to get baby here safely.  But as we were scheduling it, babies heart rate dropped, and there was a medical team in my room so fast I barley had time to sign the papers. It was an emergency.  I was terrified. This was not in my birth plan.  It was all too soon. Was my baby safe?  Millions of thoughts and questions were floating around me. I had absolutely no control.  I needed to trust the team of doctors and nurses to take care of me and my baby.  And that is just what they did.

Norah Louise was born at 6:18am on October 8, 2013 weighing 2lbs 14 oz. and 16 inches long. She was 2 1/2 months early, but ready to be part of this world. Her name fits her perfectly. She is a shining light and a warrior as she grows healthy and strong in the hospital.  It was quite the road to get her here, both gruesome and beautiful at the same time. I am still shocked by the process as I recover from surgery and my life as a mother is in full force. If I am blessed enough to have another child, I am hopeful that my dream of a natural birth will happen.  But for some reason, for this amazing baby, the birth process unfolded in an unexpected journey that has shown me strength and courage that was hidden deep within.

The hospital has been my second home for the past few months. I have come to accept that and I am more grateful than I ever thought I would be for modern medicine.  It is now more than ever that those yoga skills come in handy!  The route we took to get her here may have not been ideal, planned, or anything at all that I hoped for.  But the end outcome is just the same.  A beautiful healthy baby.

Growing Baby
Photo by Charity Benedict @ NICU Children's Hospital 

Sacrifice: Simple or Complex?

I am learning a whole new meaning of sacrifice these days.

S urrendering and
A bandoning personal
C omforts that
R eplenish our needs, to
I ndispensably provide
F ulfillment and contentment to others
I n times of
C hallenge, change, and growth in
E xcitable and difficult situations.

Sacrifice has been a part of human culture since looooong before my time.  The history with religious offerings of objects, animals, and human lives has been a sacrificial ritual for many religions throughout the world; yesterday and today.  Family members are continually sacrificing their well being to protect and save the lives of loved ones.  It is amazing what someone will give for others and their belief system no matter what the circumstance.

I  have experienced this word in a whole different context too.  I played volleyball for 5 years.  When a teammate would dive for the ball, we would yell "way to sacrifice your body for the team!"  Or what about the card game bridge? Make a sacrifice bid.   Is this becoming a more casual word and action?

Depending on our backgrounds, generational time on earth, our morals and values, socioeconomic levels, and the country we live in, sacrifice can have a plethora of meanings.

For me, in 2013, living in a quaint home in the middle of a quiet neighborhood in Minnesota, this word has a couple of meanings that strike me.  Ways that it is blessing my life, challenging my life, affecting my life, and shaping my life.

1.  Motherhood-
Becoming a mother.  It is a selfless act of letting go of your body, lifestyle, and personal needs to welcome another life.  It truly is one of the biggest sacrifices a woman can experience.  From the moment my body recognized I was pregnant, and all the unknowns that are ahead, I know I will be sacrificing each day to provide and care for the life of my child.  It will happen in little daily acts as well as life changing situations that arise.

2.  Community-
When times of hardship and unexpected trials are placed on the path we walk, it amazes me how our own community can join together to help ease the discomfort.  Living in a time of schedules and business, sacrificing time to help others can make a huge difference.  For family, friends, and neighbors to take the time to support and care for one and other in times of need, can positively impact the day immensely.

I have noticed and experienced that sacrifice is a gift. In todays time, the little things we do and give up for a stranger or a friend can only make our communities a better place to be. We can all stand to sacrifice something little to better the lives of others.  Sometimes your smallest sacrifice can be the most precious godsend for another.

Quetico, Canada
Photo by: Charity Huot Benedict 

Infinite Sunset

I have loved to write ever since I can remember.  Coloring, doodling, journaling, songwriting, and poetry are a few of my favorite writing activities.  The connection of paper, thoughts, and pen/pencil/marker fill a desire to create.  

Last winter I took a children's book writing course.  I have been working on a few children's stories that I hope to publish one day.  During class we would always do a writing prompt.  For one of the sessions, there was a jar full of folded up pieces of paper with a word on each one.  We were to pick one of those words from the jar and write about it.  So, my word was:  INFINITY.  Of course, my first thought was "Toy Story"... To infinity and beyond!  But I was not going to write about a cartoon.  The real thought that entered my mind and sparked my pen to skip across my paper was a sunrise/sunset: two of my favorite moments in each day.  So, below is my writing prompt about Infinity.  

Infinity

I stood there, and witnessed the beauty before my eyes

The sun dipped into the ocean beneath the skies

I was captivated and feeling high

a timeless revelation in disguise 

water washed over my feet

wind blew and set me free

a soul fire burned in me

For always, and beyond, endlessly

All of the worlds matter and energy

devours our ideas in this country

There is more to explore for us to see

A spiritual everlasting discovery

A dancing paintbrush transformed the atmoshphere

A continuos canvas of radiant colors appeared

This stimulating sight connected soul to earth

An immesurable and unfading moment of re-birth

Infinite Sunset, Rincon Puerto Rico
Photo by: Charity Huot Benedict 

Laughter: Who Doesn't Love It?!

I love overdosing on laughter.  The side affects of watery eyes, a sore stomach, and shortness of breath somehow leave me feeling oddly refreshed.  I wish I encountered this experience more often.  I am lucky if I get a couple of good doses a day.  Laughter IS the best medicine.

As a child, I remember sitting in church with my family and having many laughing episodes.  Almost anything would set me off.  A cute baby, bad singing, an expression on the priests face, my interpretations of the homilies, silence... It's almost as though I would look for an opportunity to giggle... even though I knew I absolutely shouldn't.  And then I would hold my breath as my shoulders would shake uncontrollably until I got "the look" from my dad.  Self control was always limited during that hour every week.

Do you ever laugh when you see someone fall?  OMG, I find it hilarious.  But only when it is a good friend, who is in good health, and when they stand up I know they are okay.  Then the laughter pours out, followed by a discussion of past falling events and the chuckling continues.

Every once in a while I crack myself up.  I don't really know what starts it, but once I get going, watch out. My husband looks at me and just shakes his head.  He knows not to interrupt or question a solid laughing session.  He just smirks and says "you think you are so funny."  I really don't think that.  I actually wish I was more funny.  I just utterly enjoy laughing attacks.

I used to work at a grocery store.  To pass time, a few co-workers and I would start laughing circles.  When business was slow we would pick new laughing styles to try out: boisterous, petit, snorting, sniggering, closed mouth, full body engagement, head back, chattering jaw, cackling... you name it, we explored it.  What we found was always amusing and worth the $6.75 an hour.

Lately I find that the shows Parks and Rec, Modern Family, and Jimmy Fallon can provide me with a robust gut laugh.  As well as reminiscing about college years and young adult life.  Not to mention puns, good jokes, inside jokes, humorous articles, and even my dog can cause a good chuckle.  I guess, just like I did as a child, I am always looking for a hearty heavy howl.

I hope that you find some good ol' fashion medicine that makes you split a side, tear up,  bust a gut, and roll on the floor with spontaneous laughing sounds and movements.  We all need a healthy and pleasurable daily dose of laughter.

Comical Moment At My Wedding
Photo by: Bailey Aro Photography 

Be Mindful

I am trying to recall the last time life wasn't "busy."  From working, to family events, to appointments, to performances, to responsibilities at home, to maintaining relationships and so on, I am lucky if I have a few moments to lay in a hammock and feel the breeze on my skin. It may have been over ten years ago, when I lived in St. Vincent, that the pace of life felt relaxed.  Oh America, why must we rush through every routine incident?

It hasn't been until recent years that I have been more aware of squeezing the most out of each scheduled task.  It is so easy to get caught up in our calendars that before you know it, the next season already surrounds us.  I have been better about finding "time for myself" as they say.  Even if it is just feeling my feet grip the earth as I walk my dog, or feel the warm water and stone in my hands as I wash the dishes.  

Your whole perspective of every mundane chore and endeavor can become much more enjoyable if you are mindful, grateful and present in each ordinary mission.  Stop thinking about what is next on the list, and just be, where ever you are.  

Our circumstances in life can change in an eyes blink.  I have easily learned that by being launched into a lifestyle of bed rest because of a few pregnancy hurdles.  Now they say I have all the time in the world to relax!  The calendar is empty!  If only it were that easy to embrace... we do the best we can...

No matter where we are in life, no matter what turn of events, or how quickly our schedules fill up, be aware of each daily venture.  At least give yourself that gift.  

Enjoy the steam of the shower instead of thinking about your crazy day ahead.  Notice how lotion feels as you apply it on your skin. Observe your surroundings as you wait in long lines.  Feel the textures of the meals you consume on your tongue.  Delight in the company you are with.  Savor the taste of your favorite beverage.  If you can even make time for these little things, you have given yourself something.

Revel in each moment.

Be grateful.  Be present.  Be mindful 

Minnehaha Falls
Photo by: Charity Huot Benedict

Motherhood Begins in a Flash

I became a mother the moment I found out I was carrying life inside my womb.

All thoughts and emotions circle through me in slow motion and fast forward with each blink of my eyes.  Sacrifice.  Selflessness.  Protection.  Love.  These gifts kick in before the awareness grips my being.  A new journey, a new path; dusted with excitement, joy, fear, hope, and compassion as these particles linger and swirl around each step I take.

As an extra heart beat continues to motivate my rhythm of life, the unexpected delicacies flow through sound and silence.  How quickly the tempo can change!  How unpredictably the pattern dances!

As gracefully as I can, I accept that not only is there one new life growing inside my body, but a mother is developing inside my soul.  My existence through this world has a whole new purpose. Each choice, each decision, each surrender is now influenced by a precious baby I have yet to meet.

Baby Benedict

Accepting the Unexpected

I have always been one to set goals and pursue dreams as I stroll along on this planet.  Whether I graduated college, accepted a teaching position, or recorded an album, I have been able to check a few life visions off my bucket list.  These things never come easy, believe me.

The dedication and perseverance it takes to accomplish our desires is sometimes beyond what the human psyche can handle.  But the fact is, I wouldn't want to live in a stagnant- spinning- hamster wheel kind of place.  My spirit is always craving a new endeavor to connect, grow, and create.  

The area I find most challenging is accepting the unexpected.  As we set high hopes and try to make our visions a reality, there are times when tribulations occur in a way we least anticipate.  The barriers that pop up and the storms that alter our current comfort zone can shake us to the core.  I find it is our attitude and finesse during these inconveniences that bring us to see our true self. 

Sometimes the mirror is foggy, even broken.  Take it as an opportunity to look beyond what is directly in front of you.  The possibilities to change your mind and present yourself in a whole new light may refresh your complexion and illuminate your reflection.  

Just roll with it.  You may find yourself in an even more desirable and more valuable place in life by looking through a different plane, or listening to a ringing echo.  Accept the unexpected.  What angle, what viewpoint, what temperament are you choosing as you embrace your current situation?

Rocky Mountains
Photo by: Charity Huot Benedict