STRIKING OUT!

To MPS Administration,

I’ve been drafting emails for weeks, but to be quite frank anything I have to say doesn’t feel of much value. Everything has been said. All phone calls have been made. All emotions have been felt. All the contract drafts have been rewritten. All the ideas have been thrown around. All negotiations have been laid on the table. 

I do have to thank your team for the vast amount of hours given, and for keeping communication moving. Families deserve at least that! 

I’m over it, but you know that. Every single person is over this.  No matter where you sit at the table, or what classroom you teach in, or what school you send your child to. We are all damn spent. 

I understand that budgets exist and we can’t go beyond them. But I don’t understand where all the money has previously gone that we can’t meet the needs of our education first responders. The ones who are IN IT every moment. 

I understand that you have to run a business. But I don’t think you understand who your paying customers are. 

I know that the redistricting design had good intentions and a large goal to benefit the city as a whole. But what I’m seeing is the early stages of a system collapse. 

When will MPS be a place that families want to stay and not leave? Because currently the education system is crumbling in our city. 

Hear me out:

If a student was struggling, would we just say “oh, we’ve tried everything. That student is just going to struggle. There are no other options at this point.” Nope! We would find new resources, try new strategies, shift our environment, get creative and work as a school team to help that child be successful even in the struggle.  My point is that MPS is struggling. And we are short to meet the asks of MFT because the funding isn’t allocated for those asks. But as a parent, it sure doesn’t seem like you are trying a different approach but rather using the same pen, just different handwriting. 

Why aren’t you looking outside the box?! Why aren’t you getting a coalition of educators and different school districts to reach out to the state to solve this puzzle differently? Has your team tried to unite with MFT to go to the governor in solidarity to fight for the same educational success? Why not close schools that have two campuses and put all the funds into one building instead of two? And have you had the damn fundraiser?! It’s your turn for that. 

There has GOT to be a way that we can support smaller class sizes, more mental health support in our schools, pay our ESP’s a livable wage AND pay our veteran teachers more than a 2.5% wage increase after 6 years of teaching. These people work their tails off for our future contributing citizens. And I’m afraid MPS is teaching our kids that school educators aren’t worth fighting for. That public education isn’t worth fighting for. Because parents are about ready to strike too. Is that what it will take? 

We love this city. We love our schools. We love the community and staff that make it incredible. So please do better! Try a different strategy. For our children. For the future of MPS. 

In Hope, 

Charity Benedict

A concerned Minneapolis Citizen

(Mother/Community Coordinator/Educator/Writer/Yoga Instructor/Musician)

    

  
             

Balloons and Bubbles and Breathing Balls, Oh My! Tricks and Tips for the Parenting Tool Box to Tackle Tantrums

I know I am not the only parent that is about to lose all wits before 9:00am some days.  Many mornings,  I actually wake up refreshed as though I am a blend of Claire Huxtable and Mary Poppins. But after the "getting ready" routine turns into a skipping broken record,  and coffee is spilt on the floor while pants are peed and keys can't be found while children are fighting, I am pretty much the Wicked Witch of the (mid)West.  Sound familiar?! If not... stop reading!

As a long time yogi, yoga teacher of five years, and former elementary school teacher, you would think I would have the tools to stay calm and follow the yellow brick road to continue on this parenting journey smoothly.  I do!  The problem is, I forget to pull them out of the box sometimes.

As a new season approaches, it is my goal to use my own tools that I have collected and used through the years. And to use them before I am melting, melting... melting.  (Insert image of wicked witch)  How is it that I forget to do it with my own family, when I do it daily with other people around me?!  I find it true that we let our guard down most at home.  If we can't do it there, where else can we let go, unwind, release, and have a freak-out-moment? We try our best and hold it all together while we are at our jobs and out in the community, home should be a safe place to throw it all down. I need to remember that for my children too...

So, as a refresher to myself, and hopefully helpful to other parents out there, and so my children don't hear a door slam, here are my top 12 go-to's. These are some helpful tricks, tools, and tips to get us ready to take on our little humans who need us from when we wake up, to the intense moments, to the moments before bed.

1. Get up a few minutes early to do something that fills you up.  Maybe its a cup of coffee, or a run, or meditation, or staring off blankly... you do you!

2. MUSIC!  If we are all losing it at my house, we put on music.  Sometimes its a random dance party. Sometimes I play the kids favorite songs over the stereo. Sometimes I pull out an instrument and sing.  Our new favorite game is "name that tune" by humming a song we all know and have to guess it.  Music is the answer.  It changes the whole energy and vibe... for the better! It always helps.

3. Snack Attack!  I will actually yell out SNACK ATTACK, and we will stop what we are doing, and have a small snack.  It's a pause in the action. And if behaviors are high, sometimes it is because they are hungry.  I am so thankful for snacks and food.  What a treat.

4.  Walk Away.  I tell my kids "I need to walk away now because I need a break."  I need a timeout. It is the truth.  I need to gather my shit and pull up my bootstraps so I can handle it.  Sometimes I silently scream, or hit a pillow, or rest in child's pose and breathe, or do a handstand against the wall to flip my perspective, or check social media, or text someone... it all helps depending on the day.  Just walk away.

5. Throw, hit, or kick something.  For real, chuck a ball outside. Kick a ball.  Hit a drum. Have a throwing, kicking, drumming contest to see who can do it the farthest, the highest, who can balance it on their head... it is a great release.  Just don't throw, kick, or hit it at each other.

6.  Yoga and Movement.  For us, rolling out our mats and doing yoga poses, songs, and games helps immensely.  Check out my Spotify (Charity Huot Benedict) for handfuls of kids yoga playlists to use.   I also find that walks, bike rides, or any way to physically move your body boosts the endorphins and can prevent meltdowns. (For all parties involved.)

7. Balloons, bubbles, and breathing balls.  Pull out the sticky messy bubbles and annoying balloons.  Why?! Because it's breath work!  Kids (and adults) are breathing and focusing and watching their breath move a bubble, or fill a balloon, or breathing along with a Hoberman sphere.  It all calms the central nervous system.

8.  BOOKS!  SO MANY BOOKS! Books are always a tool, an option, and available.  Alone or with someone.  Get out of your own thoughts, and into literature.  If one of my kiddos is freaking out, I always have a choice being "go sit on your bed with a book." It is a quiet safe place to have alone time, redirect, reconnect, or change a behavior.  They're magic.

9. Change your tone.  Whisper.  Talk in an accent.  Rap the words that need to be heard.  Maybe yell,  if you think it will work. But when you change up the way you communicate, it draws the kiddos in to hear you.  To actually listen. 

10. Alcohol! (for me, not the children.) Purely medicinal. And in moderation, of course.

11. Bedtime Explorers and Dinosnores are my two bedtime saving graces recently. If you need a bedtime assist, try these calming audio meditation stories for the little ones!  One of my kiddos has a terrible time at going to sleep, with many meltdowns.  We have tried everything, all the strategies.  These stories have helped ease some of the bedtime stressors.  They are awesome!

12. Talk to other parents and stay connected.  Find your Dorothy, Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin-Man.  Find your tribe to help you along the way.  You all have gifts to share that will come in handy when you need them the most.

Duluth is a Cool City, Most of the Time...

7/10/2018

An essay I delivered to the Chief of Police, City Council, and Mayor of Duluth.



Duluth is a cool city, in my opinion.  I was born at St. Mary's Hospital in Duluth, Minnesota.  I attended Chester Park Elementary, Woodland Middle School, and Central High School (all of which no longer exist). At least the college I graduated from with a degree in elementary education still stands strong.  Go Bulldogs!

Duluth is breathtakingly beautiful, sprinkled with nature trails, and rests along the shores of Lake Superior.  The heartbeat of that town pulses with every dedicated person who finds pride and joy in living there.  The restaurants and breweries add pizzaz to the ambiance that already exists.  And the cherry on top?! The music scene!  Which I can proudly say I have been part of through UMD's Vocal Jazz program, and decades of playing and recording my own original music on stages all over that hill.  I lived and breathed Duluth for years!  From growing up in the schools and churches, to cashiering at grocery stores and serving tables in the restaurants, to teaching elementary and middle school,  and coordinating programs at nonprofit organizations; I gave a lot of myself to that place.  And yes, my social life was definitely a priority.  It was my community and it raised me well.  I have been away for over 8 years, but I proudly call it home.

For the first time in my life, I am unimpressed and disappointed in Duluth.  Let's just get to the point?!  Okay.  My brother lost his job with the Duluth Police Department over a year ago for an incident with an excessive use of force.  It's recently been released for public knowledge.  It's not pretty.  I don't agree with his split second decision.  I think he would be the first to admit and agree that he could have made a better choice.  Nothing about those few minutes is okay.  And I understand, that the climate in our country with police brutality as at its peak.  It's wrong.  They have A LOT of work to do to make this right, and this situation is terrible timing.  Almost like Duluth has to prove that they are fixing "the problem of police brutality."   He made a mistake.  We ALL make mistakes.  But who is to throw the first stone?  Do you want to know what else is terrible?  How the media, the chief of police, and the city are portraying him to be a vindictive and bad cop.  It is wrong how the facts are being fabricated and not the whole story is being told.  They clearly have no idea who he is as a person and the values that he was raised in.  They are slapping their own town in the face.

I vote democratic.  I support Black Lives Matter.  I believe the government shouldn't have control over women's rights.  I believe anyone should be able to marry who they want.  I was raised in a Catholic home.  I respect all people no matter what they look like or where they came from and if they have different beliefs then I do.  We are all in this together. 

So now that you have a little of my history and background,  my beliefs, and my upbringing in a valued town,  I do not agree that this situation with officer Huot is being handled appropriately.  It is being turned into a political and racial situation to prove something.  What is it that they are trying to prove anyway?  Please tell me! Because even though I do not agree with this one episode, I know this man has the city and the people in it, in his best interest.

And so, I have a lot of questions and comments.  Why wasn't this civilian complying?  Why did he get called in several times in the same night?  Why didn't the other police officers step up and take action to help and support a fellow officer? Why are the facts of this story being told incorrectly? The city has the opportunity to show that they equally support the people who work there and live there, in all capacities.

This is about overall character.  This is about values.  Its about owning up our mistakes.  Its about supporting and helping everyone in the community.  Its about taking care of the people and the businesses.  Its about respecting civilians and officers and children and elderly of all ethnicities and visitors to the town.  I am ashamed that the police department is not supporting their own people.  Isn't a year without pay and character assassination enough for pulling someone by the handcuffs who wouldn't comply?  Why is it necessary to appeal the arbitrators decision to reinstate him and prolong this process and cost the city a ton of money? Isn't the arbitrators decision final? (So how do you really feel about unions?) What is happening with the chiefs actions to violate privacy clauses before the arbitration was finalized?  How is an officer supposed to deal with the issues of soliciting, inebriation, and non compliance in the downtown district?

Yes, maybe I am bias.  But when you walk through life with someone you KNOW has a warm heart, who is human and makes mistakes, and you see them being destroyed by political agendas, its disheartening. Especially when it is in the town I was born and raised in.  I guess I don't know why Officer Huot would want to serve a town who thinks he is flawed and a threat to the community. But they have it backwards this time.  It seems to me they have forgot about his positive work and involvement with the safety blueprint for domestic violence policy.  Like the fact that he has a vice presidential coin for his work in this program.  Or the fact that he saved a 22 year old woman's life from an overdose and resuscitated a man from cardiac arrest.   What about that time he rescued people off of a terrible bus accident?  Or the time he safely stopped a teenager from running into a school with a loaded gun.  How about the fact that he kept his police car stocked with wrapped gifts for children on christmas in the event that he saw them over the holiday?  Or the day to day encounters, sacrifices, and professionalism that he has contributed to the city for 9 years.  Did you know that he is a family man?  Or that he has volunteered in other countries to help communities around the world?  Yeah, he is a malice and terrible man.  Shit, fire his ass....

Then his gifts that you clearly don't see, can be served elsewhere!

Time for a Shift in Our Country, Don't You Think?

I am breathing in silence for the third time in 14 months.  Both of my children are in dream land.  BOTH KIDS ARE ASLEEP... IN THE AFTERNOON.  It is my own kind of a Minneapolis Miracle.  I mean, it may not be the final play between Keenum and Diggs of the Vikings NFC divisional playoff game, but it sure feels like it.  I'm pretty much jumping up and down screaming in disbelief. It feels like a major win today.  Let's not forget about all the Minnesotan's that CLEANED UP at the Olympics this year.  They are our Minnesota Miracles, restoring hope and faith in hardwork, dedication, and celebration.  And today the sun is slowly melting away the snow with a full moon in the sky at the same time, the miracles of nature align.  So the odds are in my favor for this mini miracle of duo sleep!  All of this free time!  There are dozens of things I could be doing such as cleaning and organizing my house and life, or self care.  But not today. That can wait.  It's time to write.

It has been a heavy year.  Life isn't an easy road, but for some reason, the world seems to be swelling with division and fear more and more as time continues to pass.  As a mother of two, as a former teacher, as a human being, I am having the hardest time facing the realities that surround us. For the most part I have found ways to focus on all the positive things life blesses us with.  But today I am drowning in all of the debates, articles, news shows, social media posts, and radio commentary that is spilling into our everyday routines around gun laws, rights, and violence.  Everywhere I turn, it's like a gun is loaded with disheartening opinion bullets and it's firing away.  I don't know how everyone is truthfully managing dodging this fiery mess.  I have been hit in the heart, in the gut, and I am bleeding in agony and frustration for our country, our families, our youth and our schools.  It's time to use my voice. 

I don't have the answers.  And honestly, I don't know where to start.  So why say anything at all?  That is what most would say.  But I have seen brilliance in our 1st amendment, in people taking a peaceful stand for what is right, and in the youth of our country.  We live in a place of freedom.  My grandfathers were hunters and military men. People own guns.  I don't wish to take away that freedom.  But COME ON! When the process to drive a vehicle is harder than purchasing a gun, we need to make a change. Why in God's name is it okay for anyone to own an AR-15? It's fun to shoot? I don't believe that was the intention, or they were intended for civilians to have. They are doing more harm than good in our world.  And anyone who can't see that needs to clear their mind and open their eyes.  Take a walk down memory lane of all the horror that they have caused in our churches, concerts, clubs, theaters, and schools.  SCHOOLS.

Lives were lost.  Precious, beautiful, innocent lives.  

This idea, to train teachers to hold a gun in schools, is asinine.  The funding, the time, and the chaos that it would create is beyond measure.   Teachers bear enough everyday already, bearing arms should not be added to the list.  How about providing them with supplies, books, pay, support staff, resources, and appreciation first?!  That might be a better place to start.  Build the community up, don't tear it down.  Keep the guns in the dear stands. 

I am a meditative person.  And I am someone who holds people in my heart and prayers.  But "thoughts & prayers" is only ONE of the steps of MANY in making a favorable difference.  If it's not backed up with action & support, the difference it's making is for the person saying those thoughts and prayers for peace of mind and heart. Yes, spiritual connection is huge and is a solid foundation. But it doesn't make a holistic difference for the general public. There isn't a change in our global society.  It doesn't alter our policies to better our communities and world.  It's a step and can create energy in our spiritual world.  So say thoughts and prayers, bring peace within, then DO SOMETHING POSITIVE TO HELP MAKE CHANGE AROUND YOU.

Be kind.  Help someone at the gas station. Buy coffee for a stranger. Give a bag of groceries to the homeless person standing on the corner.  Call your family and check in.  Write to your representatives.  Show up to a city meeting ( I still need to do this...) Thank your child's teachers with a gift card. Vote. Live simply.  Make an anonymous donation. Shovel for your neighbor.  Take notice of those around you and compliment them, not on looks, but on character.  Start with the small daily miracles. 

You guys, this world is FULL OF STRESS. Everyone is dealing with unwanted shenanigans. Any time you can lift just a tiny piece of that away, YOU bring this world light, joy, ease, contentment, appreciation, and love.  Even if its just for a moment.  That is how we start to make change.  

And to those in positions of power. It would be a miracle if you used common sense and stopped being a puppet to those who give you money. Do something bigger. Share more hope.  Listen to the people and take positive action. We, the people, are not going to quiet down.  So join us in making our country a proud and welcoming place to be.  

In Solidarity with Preemie Parents

Here I am again, round two. Living the life of a preemie mama in the hospital.

(a reminder for myself; this too shall pass.)

Welcome to the world Oliver Ray!  My 34 week baby was 5. lbs 4 oz. and growing steadily.  He just needs some time to gain strength and eat all of his meals on his own. We've got this, he is a champ!

He surprised us arriving 6 weeks early.  For some reason my children are eager to join us months before their due dates.  My plan for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) fell through.  This little man had other plans, and babies are the ones who choose when and how they enter this world.  I have learned that... twice.

Let me first tell you that I couldn't be more grateful for the situation I am in. I am so thankful for a healthy baby and that the reason for our hospital stay is prematurity. This isn't my first rodeo.  I've done this before with a baby that was HALF this size and spent triple the amount of time in this nursery with no windows. I truly thought I wouldn't have to do this again.  I was hopeful and sure that my full time job as a hospital mom was in the past.

Life is repeating itself.

I am splitting my time between home and hospital all while healing from surgery.  Only this time, there is a toddler at home.  I am living in three hour regiments of my son's cares schedule. My breasts are attached to a damn pump every three hours, and my sweet baby in-between.  I am listening to the silence between beeping machines and doctor visits. My heart strings are being pulled in directions I didn't know existed.  I am crossing fingers that each day is a day of growth. I am hoping that each test is passed and checked off the list.  My baby is suppose to be growing in my belly, yet is needing to pass a handful of tests?  Just no.

It doesn't make this any easier seeing a fist full of wires connected to the tiniest human in my life.  Or how about the fact that he has had more pokes and pricks and needles in his short life than most have had in one year.  I am ready for that feeding tube out of his nose. And seriously, an IV in his head?  It's gut wrenching.

But, he is getting cared for.  He is in trusting hands.  He is growing and doing well.  I can honestly say I don't know what it is like to leave the hospital with a newborn.  I wonder if I would even know what to do?  I am a pro at this hospital mom gig.

It's surreal.  Being here. again.  Deja Vu.

For all of you preemie hospital parents, a few things I have learned on this journey:

-Try and find some balance in your day.  Take time for yourself, time for baby, time for sunshine on your face,  and time to connect with someone outside of the hospital.
-Don't feel guilty.  You are doing the best you can.
-It's okay to cry.  It's okay to laugh.  It's okay to swear.  It's okay to crave a drink.  It's okay to pray.  Everything is welcome.
-Be in the moment.  When you are getting fresh air, breathe it deep.  When you are holding your baby, snuggle hard.
-EAT GOOD FOOD
-Use the resources at the hospital.  Find out what they can help you with.
-Share your story.  Nurses like to hear it.  They connect to you that way.
-Take lots of pictures.  It is amazing to look back at the journey.

I  keep holding onto all the other mama's and babies that are doing this at the same time.  Through the walls, in different time zones, over the oceans, and those who have been here in the past.  I know I am not alone.  I know so many are preemie parents. SOLIDARITY! We will get through this!  It's a time warp, it sucks, its beautiful.  Today, we are one day closer to going home.

The moment Oliver Ray entered our world!
Photo by Alisa Blackwood

Mama... You've Got This!

For the past couple of years I have spent every Wednesday lunch time gathering with new mamas.  I facilitate a New Mama's Group at Blooma and support these beautiful women on their journey as moms.  Some ladies come for months at a time, some attend while they are on maternity leave, and others just swing in to get out of the house for the day and connect with others on a similar voyage.  It's a sacred time.  The time when we transition to a new lifestyle, a new role, and transform into a parent all while balancing ourselves, our sanity, and holding onto our individuality before these little souls entered into our life.  

As I am preparing for baby number two to arrive in January, I reflect upon all the goodness, rawness, realness, and honesty that these moms who have passed through our doors have shared and given.  Several conversations come to mind.  Many topics that are pure reality for us in the heat of mamahood.  I have shared a lot.  I have learned a lot.  

This is a reminder to us all:  Mama, you've got this! 

~ You are your baby's advocate.  You know what it is best for you, your baby, and your family.  Trust your gut and have confidence in the choices you make! 

~ We don't know how we are going to feel about "all things mama" until we arrive in the heat of it all.   From feeding our babies, to relationships changes, to decisions about going back to work and childcare, to co-sleeping or not... it's okay to change your mind.  It's okay to say yes.  It's okay to say no.  Do what you need to do for YOU.  Do what is best for your sanity.  

~Breathe!  Take 2 minutes:  Close your eyes and let them become heavy.  Soften your jaw and drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth.  Let go of any gripping in your throat and drop your shoulders down a little farther.  Take 3 big breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.   Take 3 more balanced breaths and feel your breath flow evenly in and out.  Think of one thing you are grateful for.  Open your eyes.  This can TOTALLY hit your reset button!

~ You are going to get asked this question by EVERYONE:  "How is the baby sleeping?"  It is like the gateway to conversation about all things baby and it drives me crazy.  Babies have no routine in the beginning of their life.  They eat, poop, pee, sleep, watch the fan on the ceiling...repeat.   Just remember, babies run the show and they are working SO HARD to do all those things.  So when grandma asks how they are sleeping,  just tell them "like a baby." ( It was YEARS ago for grandma... they forget what its like, but I know all intentions are in the right place.) 

~ When your partner comes home from work and asks you " How was your day?"  Ask them in return "which part?"  Because some days you feel like 3 days have happened in 1, and you can't believe they are FINALLY home.  Each minute can bring on a new emotion, a new challenge, a new moment of gratitude.  One minute we are so frustrated, and the next so cozy we wouldn't want it any other way. This is when you focus on your accomplishments for that day.  Maybe you get to go to the bathroom alone!  Maybe you made lunch AND put the dishes away.  I mean, you fed your baby 8 times and changed 6 diapers and bounced them around the house for 3 hours and got them to nap for 30 minutes.  AND you even got to brush your teeth.  You have succeeded immensely! 

~ Do 1 thing a day to fill you up!  Take a shower, call a friend, have a glass of wine, take a nap, go to your favorite store alone, walk around the neighborhood, listen to your favorite album, read a book, go on a date with the father/mother of your baby, shave your legs... ANYTHING to make you feel like you! 

~ You are NOT alone.   Mothers all over the world are doing exactly what you are doing.  The image of moms in every corner of the world doing what we are doing is so powerful.  Remember to hold onto the strength and support of mothers that surround you. 

~ One step at a time. One moment at at time. Nothing is permanent. You've got this! 

Live Your Passion: Music is Mine... Charity Huot @ LumberJam - "Seven"

Today I had the privilege of doing a workshop for new mama's and their babies.  It was all about integrating music into their routine at home, songs and activities to do with baby, how to connect through music, and I ended the presentation with a concert.



Music is the universal language of mankind.  Music heals.  Music sparks emotion and connects us to ourselves, others, and allows us to live in the present moment.  Today reminded me of how much I need music in my life as well.  I need to listen to it and dance to it.  I need to create it. I was reminded of how I need to share it.  We all have gifts stirring within us that we need to share, otherwise they wouldn't be stirring.



Follow your passion.



I found this old recording that I had no idea existed on youtube until today.  It is from a festival (LumberJam) I played at 4 summers ago. It is called Seven... It is my twist on the seven deadly sins with attitude.  Its also about allowing yourself to truly be you, and letting things be as they are.



Cheers!

I Hold One In My Arms and One In My Heart

I have been pregnant twice in my life.  Both times have been pretty unbelievable, really.  But the journey of pregnancy and motherhood is a wild ride.  There are many plot twists, roller coaster drops, and unexpected paths that are crossed. I never could have imagined this journey and how being pregnant or raising children can truly impact who we become.  

Every individual has a different experience and no story is greater than another. Some are euphoric and others challenging. I am sharing this with you to let you know you are not alone.  Your voice matters.  Your experience counts.  

In just two short years I have carried two babies in my body.  I have been one of the lucky ones to be able to get pregnant with little effort.  I am aware that this is a gift and I am ever so grateful for that.   But that doesn't mean it has been an easy ride for me and my family.  In fact, it has been one of the bumpiest pothole filled roads that I have ever been on in my life.  

My first child was conceived on the 1st try.  I couldn’t believe it when I saw that pregnancy test come back positive.  It was planned, and we “thought” we were ready.  But we weren’t ready for the unknowns that we were about to face along the way.  

We weren’t ready for the news that I needed to be on bed rest because I had complete placenta previa.  We weren't ready for early onset of labor starting at 25 weeks.  We weren’t ready to be hospitalized twice before baby was born for bleeding and complications. We weren't ready for my water to break at 29 weeks.  We weren't ready for an emergency c-section because baby’s heart rate dropped, and she was breech, and with complete placenta previa it’s not safe to go into labor.  Baby came way before we were ready.  We were NOT ready to spend the next 60 days in the hospital because we had a premature baby.  

But we were ready to welcome her in to our world with loving arms.  We were ready to be parents and decided we were ready to take on whatever was thrown our way.  And we did it together.  We were ready to welcome our 2 lb. 13 oz baby, and be with her as she grew in the hospital. We were ready to be a family.  

It was a challenge.  It was heartbreaking and terrifying.  But we now have a healthy two year old child who is thriving and growing and loving life!  She loves to read, play outside, dance, watch  football games, do yoga, help clean the house, toast at every meal, and discover the world around her.  She is a blessing.  She is a gift.  The journey of her entering our world and what it took to get her here was worth it all.  

Twenty seven months after the birth of our daughter we found out we were pregnant.  SURPRISE! It was an instant spiral of emotion.  I was finally healing and moving forward from the trauma of being pregnant the first time.  I wasn’t ready to carry another life inside… What if I had to go through all of that again?! Then the overwhelming sense of joy and peace.  Visions of our family growing, a sibling for our daughter, the love was multiplying.  We were ready and so excited!

At the end of that week, I started spotting.  “Oh Fuck”, is what rolled through my head.  “Placenta previa, again?! Awesome…”  I just waited it out and tried not to panic.  It was way to early to worry about anything because baby was only 6 weeks. And why worry anyway? It does no good. But then I started cramping, and the pains were intensifying, and the blood was heavier.  I called the nurse and she had me come in to take a pregnancy test.  I scheduled another one for two days later to make sure my hormone levels were rising. My test was positive, but I knew something wasn’t right. I am in tune with my body, and listen to the signs.  I thought I was beginning to miscarry my baby.  I just kept breathing through the intense lower back pain, cramping, and sharp pain that would come and go.  I am not one to take pain medication, but decided I really needed some.  So with the Tylenol, the pain subsided. I went to sleep hoping that this would all go away.

The next morning the pain was getting much worse.  I was actually having such intense pain in my right side that I physically couldn’t stand up straight. I was crawling on the ground pretending to be an animal so my toddler wouldn’t think anything was wrong.   I called my nurse and two hours later I was in the doctors office getting an ultra sound to see what was happening.  

At first they found nothing. But when they did the ultra sound vaginally, the feeling in the room instantly changed and the technician was quiet.  I could see my baby!  I could see baby moving on the live photos. I asked her “What part of the anatomy are you taking a picture of right now?” and she said “that is your Fallopian Tube.” 

 My heart dropped.  My stomach flipped.  I knew this was not good.  

The doctor came in, took a quick look and said. “what we are seeing here is an ectopic pregnancy.  Your baby has implanted in the right Fallopian Tube and it has ruptured.  You are internally bleeding and need to head directly to Abbott Emergency Room for an emergency surgery.  Dr. Herring is waiting for you.” 

WHAT??!?!?!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

My Husband and daughter were there with me. I held them and cried. So grateful for them and so terrified… again. Another emergency surgery due to being pregnant?  My life is in danger again?  My baby isn’t going to live this time?   NO, FUCK THIS!  This isn’t fair! Pregnancies are supposed to be natural and healthy and normal. Why am I about to lay on another operating table due to bleeding complications while pregnant?  And these two situations are totally not related?  This can’t be happening…

Only a couple of people knew we were pregnant.  We weren’t going to tell anyone for weeks, and now we needed to call our family and tell them I am going into an emergency surgery?  Who was going to be with our daughter?  Did we catch this in time to keep me safe?  My husband has to see his wife go through this again?  I mean, come on! This is way to much emotion and heart ache in one week.

The questions just kept coming, but very few answers given.  The one beautiful answer was that I was okay. I went into the hospital just in time.  I will never know many of the answers to why any of this happened, both the first time or the second time.  One of the hardest parts for me was seeing my baby on the ultra sound before the surgery. Because I knew when I would wake up after the procedure, my baby would be gone. All I could do was breathe, relax, and trust.  The only comfort I had at that moment was knowing it was Dr. Herring doing the surgery.  He was the doctor that delivered my daughter. He has done this before, he successfully kept me safe one time and he could do it again.  He remembered me from last time and even asked how my baby was doing. He couldn't believe that over two years had already gone by.  Funny how things work out sometimes…

As a musician, I have written a few lullabies.  Weeks after the loss of my first baby, I was rocking my toddler to sleep. Every night before bed I sing her a song and she asked me to sing her “Little Darling” which is one of my lullabies.  As I rocked her to sleep and sang the song, she sang the entire song with me.  It was a powerful healing moment. Holding this miracle in my arms and holding a child in my heart at the same time.  I wept in grief and joy.  So deep, words don’t describe.  The gratitude felt for the blessings in my life as well as the loss of a child I have never met is profound.  

Motherhood is a journey.  Whether we yearn for it and wait patiently to have the children you dream of, or have adult children and reflect on the past.  No matter where you are on the path, it is a heavy load to carry and only the strength and love of a mothers heart can bare it. 

I have found that surrounding my self with positivity, leaning on supportive loved ones, and diving into activities that interest me keep me afloat.  Along with deep breathes, quiet meditation time, fresh air, and a glass (bottle) of wine! 

When we experience heart wrenching situations, we move forward one step at a time with more strength, more wisdom, and a bigger heart.  We try and honor the grief and loss all while holding onto the gifts we currently have.  We find balance.  We trust.  We grow.  And we connect with others who are riding along on this expedition of motherhood. 

P.S.  I find that humor, even if it is dark, is a healing tool.  So, I wrote a “joke” about my womb:

My womb must be a terrifying place to be.  One baby wanted out way too soon, and the other would NOT go in there.  It must be a womb with no windows.  (bwahahahaha)

P.S.S. But really, our wombs are a wonderful gift and full of love! 

The Aging Goddess Tree

I have been reflecting on the goodness in my life.  Clean drinking water, a warm bed,  jobs I love, a ridiculously amazing community and circle of loved ones, yoga, chapstick, bourbon, and the list goes on.  I am beyond blessed and I wish health and happiness for all... truly.  I could think about the "if only's" and "what if's" in my life, but I have learned that thinking that way gets me no where. Putting my energy into the present and where my path is leading me is much more rewarding.

If you would have asked me when I was a teenager what I thought my life would be like in my 30's, I never would imagined THIS. I thought I would marry young, live in a house full of kids with a house I owned while teaching in an elementary school. The "steps to adulthood" as our society lays it out for us.  You know: college, career, married, house, kids, etc...  Boy, am I glad that is not the life patterned that I followed.  It just wasn't for me.  The life I live is beyond what I could have imagined.

In my early 20's I became more present to the realities of who I am. I have always been comfortable in my own skin, but something clicked, and I really became alive.  I realized I wanted to do things my own way, no matter how it unfolded. My own speed traveling on my own path. Following my own gut and my own heart. Making concious decisions to create my own true self. Years later that still works for me.  Years later life is good. Better then I could have dreamed of, really.

And now I am about to turn 35. THIRTY FIVE.  One moment that feels so young, and the next I can't believe 35 years of my life have been lived.  I am dancing in my energetic years as bits of old age tease me.  I dig through the filing cabinet of my memories as I build new bookshelves for all unwritten stories that lay ahead.  I am nearing the middle of my life... or have I already passed it? It is such an odd but beautiful place to be.  At times I am coasting and cruising, and other times swerving and breaking. Either way, I grow. I age.  I am.

A poem for my 35th birthday...

The Aging Goddess Tree 

And it hit me 

 Suddenly 

but slowly

As though the egg of life cracked against my heart

 and the aging yolk oozed smoothly down my body

My heart beating fast as my body grew heavy and warm and numb

Time froze

  I sat there cradling my toddler as she fell asleep in my arms

 So peaceful

so calming 

 So present

 My monkey mind raced through the tree of life jumping from branch to branch 

Unknown ideas of the future swirling around like wind

Memories falling like the leaves release from the trees

images stacking on top of each other like snowflakes grip to twigs

Its amazing

really

 how many types of weather we bear in a single day

 my roots dig deep

ground me

connect me

nurture me

branches break, leaves rip, bark tears

I am weathered

but I am planted
I've been torn, cracked, fragile

but new life stirs inside

It is true

the days are long but the years are short

i see it

i feel it

i live it

i grow with it

as gracefully as i can

with strength from my roots

and new energy from my branches

i dig deep into the soil of my ancestors

I dig deeper into the soil of my aging self 

I reach for all the beauty that surrounds me

i hold the gifts that the world  has given to me 

and one day I will pass it all on and give it all back 

with love, with wisdom, with dignity, with power

as new seeds are creatively planted and nurtured to spread in divine union

No One Ever Told Me THAT Would Be Added To My Parenting Resume...

Pregnancy. Labor. Delivery. Beautiful baby.  And then...PaReNtHoOd.

This is for those of you in it.  This is for those of you who have been there.  This is for all the parents;  that moment when you say to yourself "no one ever told me it would be like this."

We read the books, skim articles, and attend classes to prepare.  Our parents, family, and friends with babies tell us how it is. But let's be honest.  All of the nitty, gritty, and personal shit we deal with as parents is figured out in the heat of the moment. We acquire skills we didn't know we had.  We live.  We grow.  We become fully capable of almost any job because we are loaded with experiences and our resume is STACKED with expertise!

Here is a list of the skills, strengths, and credentials that you acquire in this career as a parent!

1.  Congratulations, you are entertainer of the year!  You could be the new ringmaster of the Cirque Du Soleil, Beyonce's new choreographer, or Taylor Swifts song writer.  I mean, you are basically doing acrobatics and juggling life throughout the day.  You are bouncing around to new dance routines to get baby to sleep.  And new melodies pop in your head on the spot to get your kids to smile.  You should be nominated for a grammy for the lyrics you just whipped together about bath and pajama time.  Too bad your number one fan is that little bundle in your arms and can't call the big wigs to recommend you for the job.  You SHOULD receive the award.

2.  You are now the Chief Executive Officer of Household.  You are ultimately responsible for day-to-day management decisions and implementing long and short term plans.  You build the culture in your company and provide the resources for success.  You own a vision, set the goals, and you lead your team.  Congrats on your hard work, CEO!

3.  Ninja Warrior. How many times of have had to quietly sneak out of your sleeping childs room configuring your body in uncomfortable positions so you don't wake them up?!  That's what I thought!  You are stealth on your feet,  you would fight for your child if in danger, and you learn how to guide/discipline/teach your child with words rather than violent alternatives.  Do you master self control in moments when you didn't think you could before children entered your world?! You are a ninja!

4. Welcome to the life of a detective. You interrogate your suspects and interview your witnesses based on the evidence before you. When was the last time you pooped? Who ate the last slice of pizza?  How did the lamp break? Where on earth are the toddlers shoes? What time did you actually go to bed? How did my cell phone end up in the toilet? You are solving mysteries and investigating situations all. day. long.

5.  Mixologist at your finest. If you are a nursing mother, you are serving your child the most fresh and delicious cocktail straight out of the tap!  Your body is making one hell of a drink.  Non nursing mothers and fathers and other care takers know the perfect proportions of formula to the temperature of the liquid for the perfect beverage.  They know how long to shake it and how to serve it perfectly for the liking of the consumer.  All parents know how to mix and muddle and stir and serve all while presenting it with love... and then they top it off with a night cap for themselves to enjoy.

(Since resume's should not be longer than two pages max, i better stop here.   However, I believe a parents resume could fit into the Guinness Book of World Records.)

Just know this parents:  Your hard work is seen, it is felt, it is recognized. It may not seem like to now, but all of your time and energy spent at this job will pay off.  Keep up the good work. Each day you add another profession to the list. What will it be tomorrow?!  I just wish I could add professional sleeper to the record...

Trippin' With Toddlers: On the Road and Over My Words

"Did that just really happen?!"  That was the first question I asked myself when I woke up in my own bed (the first morning I was home) after embarking on a 24 day road trip out west with my husband and 22 month old daughter.  I don't know if I was expecting to open my eyes in my tent or in the van, but I was home, and "business as usual" was already in full force.  As I jumped back in to work, my lovely co-workers and friends were asking what any thoughtful human would ask... "How was your vacation?"  How do I answer that in one short phrase?  I just drove across our country breathing in mountain air, dipping my toes in the ocean, and hiking trails that had waterfalls waiting at the end.  We biked on famous bridges, hugged redwood trees, and spent time with family and friends. So I answered... "It was an incredible trip."  TRIP.  NOT a vacation...

I guess my idea of a vacation is laying on a beach drinking a cocktail, or reading a book in a hammock in the woods.  Vacation reminds me of rest and relaxation.  Driving 6,700 miles and 120 + hours in the car with a toddler isn't exactly a vacation.  Setting up camp, cooking, cleaning, dishes, packing up camp, and moving to the next location ins't exactly restful with a toddler.  But someone asked me another question that brought a little more meaning to this whole experience.  " Would you do it again tomorrow?"  My Response?!  "No, but I would next week!  I need some time on my couch."  

I think I am still wonderfully exhausted.  Life on the road is quite the trip! New scenery every couple of days.  New faces, elevations, food, trails, cities and experiences.   Before we left, a few people couldn't believe we were about to take a cross country road trip with a toddler.  "What about her routine?  What will you do in the car?  How will she do camping in a tent?"  These were just a few of the dozen concerning questions I got asked when telling people what we were about to do.

Honestly, the best part for us was getting out of a routine and moving to our own beat.  Creating a rythym as a family.  Seeing each other in a different light, different setting, and a different schedule as we followed the setting sun each day.  

It was an incredible trip. Partly because of watching our daughter grow and learn along the way.  She learned about new landforms, animals, plants, and wild berries.  She played in streams, rivers, waterfalls and the ocean.  She hiked and biked and camped.  She LOVED the hammock!   As far as the car goes, we had bins of books, play-doh, stickers, coloring materials, toys with batteries, puzzles, magnets, music, pipe cleaners, a dozen car activities... and some technology as a last resort.  It all made the time in the car go by much smoother with all of that planning. 

It was also slightly trying for us all.  It was not ALL fabulous (mostly fabulous).  She had moments of boredom.  She had nights of teething.  The change of her routine took some adjusting.  She threw a tantrum.  She woke the neighbors in the middle of the night while camping in Yosemite.  I had my moments of anxiety and exhaustion... partly from her neediness.  

BUT,  those challenges would have happened at home or on the road.  Changes in routine come up all the time in life.  Toddlers grow teeth.  Moms' have moments of worry. Why would I let those frustrating normalities stop us from hitting the road?  exactly... I didn't.  We just did it. And it was worth all of the hard work.... before, during, and after.

If you are  questioning a trip with your children, I highly encourage you to do it!  It doesn't have to be an extravagant event for your children and family to experience the beauty of this earth. Take a camping trip down the road.  Spend a day hiking or biking just outside of your town.  Start where you are comfortable and go for it.  You might surprise yourself... your kids might surprise you too.  Let go of the usual routine and find a new flow as a family for a bit. You'll grow.

  It's worth it!

Parenting is like Rafting the Grand Canyon

Have you ever taken advice from a river?  Well, if not, you should...

The summer of 2011 presented itself with an opportunity of a lifetime. I was about to raft the Grand Canyon!  I was a little hesitant, but my adventurous spirit was ready for it even though my mind wasn't fully prepared.  I didn't REALLY plan for this, but I went along for the ride with an open mind and a willingness to do whatever was needed along the way. Sure, I read a couple of books, checked out websites, and actively communicated with our group before we set sail.  But I didn't realize what I was getting into until I was on the river.  (I am still not sure I have fully processed that... I mean, it was the Grand Canyon.)  It took fifteen years to get a private permit to do a self guided trip down the river.  The original crew had it in the works for a long time. I was gratefully added on a couple years before the trip was scheduled.  My boyfriends family lovingly invited me along.  And so, I rafted the Grand Canyon for one week in August, and hiked out of the canyon from the river to the top! 

I did it.  But not alone.  I survived, and let me tell you, there was a second when I wasn't sure I would.  I lived in the moment. I embraced what was around me.  All of it.  The beauty, the terror, the energy, the peace, the journey, the everything.    

Looking over the Grand Canyon at Unkar Delta

A few years later, here I am.  Reflecting on where I was, where I am, and all in between.  As I write, I hear the voice of my sweet little daughter saying "mama, mama" eagerly wanting to show me her book.  I am a parent now.  At times I still can't believe it, but I am doing it.

While I was rafting, I remember wondering if my boyfriend (now husband) and I would ever be parents.  I wondered if we would share this marvelous and fascinating national park with a child.   Now that motherhood is in full swing, I can honestly compare this parenting gig to rafting the Grand Canyon.  

It's a wonder. There are moments when my breath has been taken away.  There are times that I have been terrified, for my life, and for others around me. I've experienced the most serene moments on the river and as a mother.  I have found strength and courage I didn't know existed before these events occurred.  These two adventures have undoubtedly allowed me to live in the moment, because that is all that matters.  

There is a connection, a bond that is felt rafting that mother-of-a-canyon, as well as mothering a child. 

I have flipped.  What parent hasn't lost it from time to time?  But really,  our raft flipped in one of the biggest rapids on the Colorado River.  (That is a whole other story in itself.)  But, we just pick up the pieces, pull ourselves together, and continue on the journey. 

Hance Rapid: scouting the rapid moments before we flipped... right there!

You can prepare, read, discuss, map out, and plan, but until you are living it, you don't really know what to expect.  (Even then, we still don't know. We just do it.) It takes a crew, a team, or a support system to make it from one point to the next.  We need our village to share in all the ups and downs, stillness and chaos, excitement and questions, and encouragement along the way. 

Needless to say, parenting to me feels like rafting through this immense, intense, magnificent, and natural beautiful wonder of the world. 

It reminds me to take advice from a river while rafting through this parenting pilgrimage:

-go with the flow: the water can change at any moment, around any corner. 

-immerse yourself in nature: soak up your surroundings.

-slow down and meander: enjoy the ride.

-go around the obstacles: if you can't go around, hit them head on with all you've got and hope for the best.

-be thoughtful of those downstream: be mindful of the mark you make for the next generation.

-stay current: be present.

-the beauty is in the journey: yes it is!

Bright Angel Trail: half way to the top of the canyon!  

Little Darling

Today I have a song for you. A lullaby I wrote after Norah was born and in the hospital for 60 days.  This song is for her.  This song is for all mamas.  This song is for all children.  This song is for you. 

 

Little Darling

How do you do my baby?
How do you do today?
How do you do little darling,
on this Beautiful day?

Did you stay warm my baby?
Did you stay warm today?
Did you stay warm little darling,
when cold winter blues filled your day?

When the winter wind is here
I'll hold you by my side
when the evening lasts too long
I'll entertain you all night long

What do you need my baby?
What do you need today?
What do you need little darling,
to hide all your troubles away.

What can I give you baby?
What can I give you today?
What can I give little darling.
to melt all your worries away?

When the springtime rain is here
I'll keep you warm and dry
when the rainclouds last too long
I'll entertain you all day long

When you grow my baby.
When you grow old some day.
When you grow old little darling
I'll love you just the same.

A Time Frame Comparison: So... What's Changed?!

Everybody tells you that your life is going to change dramatically when you have a baby.  I beg to differ...

I spent five years and thousands of dollars to earn a degree that I am no longer using. Yes, I am a college graduate, and what I really gained from that time of my life is way beyond a paper diploma.  Before attending my first semester, I assumed college would teach me academics and prepare me for "the real world."  HA!  I am glad the bubble I was living in at that time has been popped. Don't get me wrong, I did learn elementary math and figured out that I could use my bus pass for years to come. I did learn some life skills that many people gain in their early twenties: independence being a big one. I also figured out that your health can change instantly.  And that people who you think love you can break you in your most vulnerable state only to make you stronger.  I balanced three jobs, sixteen credits, endless hours of music making, and at that time, a checkbook.  Who balances those anymore?!   I did find time to socialize. Who am I kidding... I made time. It is what kept me sane, and turned me insane.  Those of you who have lived the college lifestyle know that it can be financially, mentally, and emotionally stressful at times. Life can feel exhausting, exciting, terrifying and gratifying all in the same moment.  And in a blink of an eye, it can all change.  There are nights when you don't sleep, times when you try and try and try to accomplish anything, and fail.  There are days filled with joy, laughter, growth, love, and success. Life spirals with its ups and downs but you wouldn't trade it for anything.  It is all part of life as a college student. 

I spent seven months pregnant, two months in the hospital and racked up thousands of dollars in medical bills.  Yes, I am a parent, and what I really gain from that is way more than the title of mom.  Before having a child, I assumed my life would instantly change the moment that little beauty entered our earth.  Don't get me wrong, there was a definite shift biologically and an instinctual transformation, and my heart grows with each beat.  I have figured out how to cook meals with one hand and I am pretty sure I can get an award for entertainer of the year... at least the look on baby's face sure says that anyway! I balance three jobs, a household, endless hours of creating, performing, singing, and keep a close eye on my bank account.  I find time for myself.  Who am I kidding... I make time for myself.  It is what keeps me sane, and sometimes turns me insane.  Those of you who live the parent lifestyle know that it can be financially, mentally, and emotionally stressful at times.  Life can feel exhausting, exciting, terrifying and gratifying all in the same moment.  And in a blink of an eye, it can all change.  There are nights whey you don't sleep, times when you try and try and try to accomplish anything, and fail.  There are days filled with joy, laughter, growth, love, and success. Life spirals with its ups and downs but you wouldn't trade it for anything. It is all part of life as a parent.

So, what's changed?  The easier question to answer is: What's the same?

Answer: 

Taking care of room mates in a cluttered house on little sleep. :)

Lake Michigan Sunset
photo by Charity Huot Benedict

Reflections From A Teacher

Ahhhh, elementary school; land of active learning! Can you recall the memorable days of exploration through art projects? Team building skills through kick ball games? Learning to take turns with friends at recess playing lightning at the basketball hoop? Preparing for tests with jeopardy and memory? Music classes, multiple times a week?! Dressing up on Halloween? Class parties? I could go on and on about the skills that I learned through all the fun I had.   I wish that was the case for todays generation...

As a former elementary school teacher of a short (long) 6 years, I sit back as summer approaches remembering all of the excitement that comes with the end of the school year. Your class of little learners just spent nine months of their lives growing mentally, emotionally and physically in your care. You have invested your heart, soul, money, time, and love into these children and they are about to move onto a new phase in their journey. As their teacher, you hope to goodness you have done the best you can for each individual, and wish them an awesome summer as you give them a hug or high five as they walk out your door. Your eyes might get watery, because you will miss them, you are exhausted, and you are overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to finish. All at the same time, you are preparing for your summer school class about to walk in your door in a week... got to pay those student loans somehow!

Teachers have super powers. Some teachers have multiple sets of eyes. Some have multiple hearts or multiple hands. Others have an inner well that overflows with wisdom or patience. Others are telepathic. To teach, to care for a full classroom, to multi- task, you are granted, earn, and learn these skills along the way. It takes a person with superpowers to be a teacher.

The statements are true: School isn't what it used to be. Kids are growing up too fast.

In a quickly changing world flooded with technology and diversity, our younger generations aren't getting what they need from our schools. It is a trickle affect from the head offices to the classroom. Yes, the students are cared for, but everyone is too focused on test scores and number crunching and funds. Not everybody wants to be, that's just how it goes.  Too much pressure.  I have worked in private schools and in schools with 99% poverty. It is a similar story all around. One thing I know for sure is that parents love their children! Stop blaming the parents, stop blaming the students, stop blaming the teachers! Start communicating and building relationships to better the educational experience for all involved.

I am now on a different career path. Why? (How much time do you have to listen?) Balance. Extremes. Expectations.

I am a believer in balance, or strive for balance in life. It is difficult to achieve that as a teacher. If you are part time, you actually work full time. If you are full time, the teachers I have taught with work way beyond that. Emails, phone calls, planning, prepping, grading, creating and more is taken home at night, on the weekends, and over the summer. Balance?

Teaching is extreme. After two years of teaching at a private (Catholic) school, I was told by signing my next contract I was also signing to abide by the rules of the church. That doesn't affect how I teach. Teachers teach for several reasons, and religious or political beliefs shouldn't be a factor when educating a child. So, I chose to move onto a different job that appreciated my skills rather then wondered what I was doing after hours. (even though many of those hours included making classroom tools while enjoying a glass of wine.)

My last two years of teaching, I was in a district where recess was taken away at one school I taught at, and kindergarteners were expected to follow a schedule (to the minute) at another. I would love to see someone from the district try to teach a room full of 23 five year olds for an entire day. Especially when some of these kiddos didn't have dinner, or were going through family crisis, or had a learning disability, or someone just peed their pants. Come on! Balance? Kids need it too. Extremes?

Expectations. Why are there so many? We need guidelines and rules and agreements and yes, a few expectations, I understand. But when the growing minds of children are pushed all year to pass one week of tests, and sit calmly all day, and reach unrealistic milestones, and follow a minute to minute schedule, it becomes a little nuts. What about when a shy student finally stands up to read a paragraph they wrote? Or you see two children solving a math problem together? Or the child whose parent just passed away jumped rope for the first time? Self discovery is such an important life skill. The problem is, there isn't time for that! Where is the creativity and flexibility in our schools? It continues to become less and less. Don't even get me started on the expectations of teachers...

There are moments when I miss seeing the lightbulb go off in a students head. There are times when I miss collaborating with all those super power teachers or connecting with the parents who want to see their child grow, shine, and work hard. But teaching isn’t what I thought it was going to be. Maybe I am too much of a free spirited being to fit the mold of todays four wall classroom. And maybe not. I do believe we have lost many wonderful teachers who have switched career paths. But for those in the heat of it, teachers, students, and parents, embrace yet another year of amazing accomplishments. There are a plethora outside of those darn tests!

Photo by Charity Huot Benedict